What Drives Me
Written by Peter-John on October 2, 2008 – 2:26 pm -
Sometimes one hits milestones in life without even expecting to. The kind of milestones that aren’t planned and were never on the map of success. They just come unannounced at the most unpredictable moments and serve as unexpected markers of how one has journeyed down the path of life.
Today is one of those milestones for me. I found out a significant thing in a very insignificant way.
I found out what drives me.
Normally a day like today would be what I used to call a “hard hat day”. As in put on your hard hat, bring your lunch pail, and go to work. Because it may not be as thrilling a prospect as usual. You see, we are having Bible Study on a night when there is a much anticipated Vice Presidential debate, a rare LA Dodgers playoff game, and to top it off for me personally…Oregon State is playing coming off the heels of a major USC upset. I expect it may look like we missed the rapture at church tonight.
And…I….could…not…care…less.
I hope that doesn’t sound indifferent or callous. And to most it is not a big deal. It’s just to me it’s worth marking as a milestone. These kind of nights used to put a nebulus kind of pit in my stomach. Having to get up on that stage in front of rows of empty chairs. Ouch.
Yet I don’t know what it is but this isn’t affecting me the same as it used to. Correct that. I do know what it is. It’s the Gospel.
Paul the apostle put it this way, “Woe unto me if I preach not the Gospel”.
I concur. Let me be frank, I don’t want to miss the debate tonight or the playoffs or stand before rows of empty chairs if all I am planning to do is share thoughts on wealth, or health, or positive imagination. Nothing wrong with those things. In fact they have their place in Scripture. But without the Gospel I am wasting my time. I am flaming out. Woe unto me, as the King James puts it!
Now this is silly but I’ll put it out there. I am missing good TV, anticipating a poor turnout, and am not phased- in fact I’m thrilled as ever. This is the motivation that allowed Paul to go back into the city that he was nearly stoned to death, that allowed Peter to say ‘Crucify me upside down’, that allowed myriads of early saints to sing hymns on their way to the Coliseum. I am not in their ranks, I’m not in their class. But for insignificant lil’ PJ Courson….this is a major milestone in which I have in my silliness tasted and touched upon that kind of motivation. I realize it’s truth that I am after. And that Truth is a Person found in the Gospel.
In other words, I have found what drives me. And I like what I found. 
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm
kudos to your milestone post – always nice to get an unexpected present as it were.
just so you don’t miss out on tonights tv highlights, i’ve taken the liberty to get the outcomes for you
dodgers win… ramirez bunts the game winning home run
ducks, well oh my, thinking of a few good men, you can’t handle the truth on this one
and the debate, here is a highlight of what to expect
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGd96dWnD-E
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I agree with you, it is really a beautiful thing to feel like change has happened. I will be honest – I am close to knowing what drives me; I want to say I already know, but I want to be authentic, and I still get torn for that split second (pray) But the good news is that I am getting closer to that knowing and not just trying to feel. I love the LORD, but still find that there is that shred of ickiness of my humaness that keeps me anxious and nervous of having to “give something up.” (How sad) I feel though, the LORD is obviously aware and is letting me pray for those roots to be ripped out and he is doing the work and I am feeling those seconds becoming half seconds and even smaller. I KNOW there will be a day soon when I will feel changed and recognize it.
And I know I will embrace it.
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Keep after it Molly. You’ll find it.
Even Paul said, “I have not apprehended that which I was apprehended for”. Even he had to stick with it!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Being a So Cal native, I have been a life-long Lakers fan. And with a team like the Lakers, I could always count on them being in the playoffs, and quite often the finals. Nothing could keep me from the TV during those times!
In 1984, I began an internship and Bible college training up in San Jose. On the first night of the NBA Finals (Lakers vs. Celtics) I had just started watching game one when the phone rang. Fool that I was… I answered it! It was a good friend (a guy who was in my wedding) from a previous church checking in to see how I was doing spiritually, and also to fill me in with what God was doing in my life.
My first thoughts were “How can I get out of this phone call?” I tried to listen and follow the game, but I found that completely unsatisfying. I could feel my angst growing.
And then it hit me. I was training to be a pastor. And this phone call was one that could be filed under “ministry.” And I let it go, and focused in on talking to my buddy Ian. For an hour.
Ever since that moment, I haven’t struggled with the pull of big time events such as sports, debates, and whatever might be called “must-see TV.” It was as if God changed my heart at that moment. Sometimes I’m still shocked at the reversal of priorities!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Great perspective, Pete. My husband noticed there were alot more empty chairs lately because of all that’s going on with the debate and all…and it’s good to know it doesn’t move you and it shouldn’t. I realize that I’m changing as well and your post really ministered to me. You don’t know you’re growing until there comes a point you realize and look back at the fact that something doesn’t bother you as it used to.
I love coming to Capo, on any given day, to hear your sermon and amid all the chaos, I’m still there. I recently talked to a friend of mine who mentioned that she thought the worship at church was too long. I used to think the same thing long ago no matter what church I attended because I didn’t quite understand the idea behind worship. Looking back I see how I’ve grown. Now, I hate being late, even if for a minute because I don’t want to miss worship because it is so awesome! I love to worship in song and listen to your sermon. It’s like Martha vs. Mary. You’ve chosen to do the better thing. (I know there’s other perspectives and sermons on Martha and Mary but I’m going with the traditional sermon). Anyway, great post!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
But since Thursday night is a clear evening on my calender, I will take in the debate…unless God sends me a phone call!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Kurt – I appreciated what you shared. It really spoke to me.
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Pete –
I was reading Romans 7 and I had a thought/question:
If Jesus had not died for my/our sins; would there be no comprehension or even any physical understanding of doing good? Would a human race still exist? I feel like that is what the spirit does – I am just curious on what your thoughts are.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Ah man…Great turnout tonight!
Sweet, sweet people coming to worship together.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Molly,
If you can, go on Amazon for a couple bucks, and get James Kennedy’s book “What if Christ were never born”. It’ll answer that question beautifully.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I realize it’s truth that I am after. And that Truth is a Person found in the Gospel.
praise be to God
your focus is in the right place
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Here where I am currently an expat, in (what I consider) the very strange foreign land of Texas (if any of you are from Texas … uh … well, sorry, but I still see it as a strange foreign land), deep in the heart of what is supposed to be the Bible Belt, I’ve found that lots of Christians here don’t worship only one God. They worship at least one other, too, a god called Football: on, say, Superbowl Sunday (their high holy day), you really MIGHT see churches pretty empty. Pretty sad.
So Pete and Capo, big thanks to God and two thumbs up for all of you who took the “silly” path of letting Jesus be first in your hearts on debate night. (Anyway, that’s why God gave us TiVo, CNN reruns, and YouTube: you can just watch it later if you want! No excuses!)
Since the “foolishness” of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the “weakness” of God is stronger than human strength (1 Cor 1.25), it would follow that the “silliness” of God is more sensible than human sense. And Kurt is spot on: the Mary thing (vs. Martha) is the best thing. (And Martha chewed out Jesus because he wouldn’t make her sister help her “minister” to him! Ever run into THAT scary kind of silliness?!)
Nothing silly about walking with Jesus! Hey, wait … that might mean that John Cleese’s “Ministry of Silly Walks” is more scriptural than we may have thought. (I always knew those Python guys were theologians at heart.)
So anyway, never stop that silliness! And please pray for them here in Texas, that they may become as silly as you are. We don’t need a Bible belt (since when do you ask the Bible into your heart?), but we sure could use a Christ belt (in TX, CA, and everywhere), where people can see him in people’s everyday hearts and lives.
Lots of churches here, lots of big crosses posted in people’s front yards, lots of Jesus bling around their necks, lots of gospel fests (real shows in town recently: “Gospel Music Fest, hosted by Cowboys for Jesus”; and a stage musical, “The Gospel According to Texas” … and you thought there were no more apocryphal gospels) … but also, lots of corrupt cops, lots of “men” who treat their wives as second-class at best (one guy in town won’t be seen in public with his wife if, incredibly, she doesn’t meet his “weight standards” for her … sadly, she puts up with that), lots of other things that make you want to agree with Gandhi’s ironic observation: “I like your Christ, but not your Christians … they are so unlike your Christ.” (Or as I once saw on a fridge magnet: “I love Jesus … but his followers creep me out.” I like both those sayings for their ironic, blunt truth.)
But I have always (since 1993) known Capo for its people who very genuinely ARE like Christ, because they don’t try to whitewash themselves with a Jesus paint, but, warts and all, are simply genuine … which is where you can see Jesus shining out more clearly than anywhere else. It’s genuine people who end up going through the changes in priorities, and love of worship, that some of you noticed in yourselves above. It’s a church whose motley crew once got compared to looking like the “Star Wars” cantina scene (which the pastor took as a high compliment), but where you can see Jesus in every motley crew member. THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!
So God bless your silliness, and may people keep seeing Jesus right through you, like sunlight through a stained glass window … stains, irregularities, and all: it’s his light that makes it beautiful.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 am
[...] Peter-John Courson on what drives him. [...]
October 7th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
[...] Peter-John Courson on what drives him. [...]
October 7th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Hey Pete
so cool to hear his faithfulness in your life and to hear the maturity he has placed in your heart….it was a blessing when i finally let go of the things and let him do what he loves to do change losers like us………ULTIMATE GRACE
I love you my friend,
Big Mike in Oregon
October 8th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
It was the realization that nothing else mattered to me than to be about my Father’s business that solidified my walk with God.
still got room in the foxhole? lol
October 9th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Cent,
If you’re about your Father’s business then always.